You can’t pick yourself up from failure if you never truly tried.

We learn from failure. Real failure. Where you tried so hard, the hardest you could, and you still failed. If we half-ass something, and fail, we have an excuse: didn’t try. If we succeed, we reinforce that it’s acceptable to half-ass things. Either way we learn the wrong lesson.

I get it. Things are scary, and failure hurts. Trying hard and not achieving your goal comes with crushing disappointment. But the key is to suffer through that and grow from it. That’s how you get better. Trying hard means necessarily that you will fail. Failure is the yin to trying hard’s yang. In the wise words of my father, “You ain’t skiing unless you’re falling.”

We lie to ourselves all the time about how hard we tried. If you find yourself pointing to external validation (success, money, praise) that’s a red flag that you probably don’t try that hard. Real effort is its own validation. If you don’t know deep down that you gave it your all, then you probably didn’t.

We have endless excuses for why we didn’t try hard. Some of them are important: injury is a good excuse not to push for a personal best. Don’t be stupid. But also, don’t lie to yourself. Underneath these excuses is a simple emotion: fear. It almost goes without saying that facing your fears is the only way to grow.

Try hard. Revel in the failure, knowing you gave it your all. Failure doesn’t mean you suck, never failing means you suck. Nobody will push you harder than you can push yourself. You’re stronger than you think.